


Mary and Gerald

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-15
Updated: 2006-10-15
Packaged: 2018-12-26 19:04:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian brings home a somewhat unwelcome visitor and Justin ends up lost.





	Mary and Gerald

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

“Jennifer Love Hewitt is so pretty,” Justin muttered into the phone as he “watched” _The Ghost Whisperer_ with Daphne one evening. “I like the guy from _Alias.”_

“Though he’s _so_ not attractive.”

“No, but he’s . . . good. Which surprises me.”

“He was good on _Alias.”_

“I never watched _Alias,”_ he replied, as he heard the front door unlock and open. “Brian’s home. Gotta go.” He turned the phone off and dropped it onto the sofa, standing just as Brian stepped into the living room, briefcase in one hand, suitcase in the other, and a blue stuffed dragon tucked under one arm.

“Hey, you’re back!”

“It would seem so.” Brian offered him a lopsided grin, then dropped his things on the floor.

***

“Brian?”

“Hm?”

“We can’t do this.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Brian balanced himself on his forearms and looked up at the blond.

“Just . . . it’s weird . . . you blowing me with that . . . _thing_ watching us.” He shifted his eyes toward the blue stuffed dragon resting atop the suitcase, before returning his attention to Brian.

“It’s a fucking stuffed dragon. Stuffed. As in not real. As in, was made in a factory somewhere in Taiwan.”

“I know. But . . .”

“Jesus Christ.” Brian pushed himself up so that he was resting on his heels, then reached for the dragon and deftly launched it through the doorway and into the foyer. “Better?”

“Much.”

***

“So how was your trip?” Justin handed the joint back to Brian, then rolled over so that he was half-draped across the older man, the glow from the fireplace casting an orange tint over their skin.

“Good. Got the account.” He absent-mindedly rubbed his hand along Justin’s lower back, then ran his hand upward and buried it in his hair.

***

Justin stood on an oddly-curved sidewalk, on a blue square. He squinted and gazed around, wondering why the hell the sidewalk was multi-colored.

“Fuck. I must have died and landed in Deb’s idea of Gay Heaven . . . minus the naked guys, sadly,” he muttered, taking a cautious step forward along the rainbow-colored walkway. He reached out and touched one of the large lollipops along the path. “This is so wrong.”

Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, there appeared on the path a short distance away, two figures – a large blue dragon walking hand in hand with . . . Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins? Well, she was wearing that ridiculous white hat with the red sash, and carrying a parasol so, in reality, who else could it be?

“Oh, Gerald, look! A foreigner!” Mary exclaimed upon noticing him, rushing toward him and pulling the dragon – apparently named Gerald – along with her. “My dear, dear boy, you look positively ill!” She let go of Gerald’s hand, pulled off one of her white gloves, and reached out to feel Justin’s forehead. “Well, you don’t have a fever! Isn’t that a relief?”

“Um, yeah.” He focused on her face for a moment. “Jennifer Love Hewitt! Why are you dressed like Mary Poppins? And why are you holding that dragon’s hand?”

“Who is this Jennifer Love Hewitt of whom you speak?”

“You! You’re Jennifer Love Hewitt! Dressed as Mary Poppins!”

“My dear boy, I fear you’re mistaken. I’m Mary Poppins, of unknown English origin. I really do fear you’re not quite well.” She turned to the dragon. “Gerald. Hold my parasol.”

“Yes, dear,” the dragon replied.

“We’ll fix you right up, my boy!” Mary/Jennifer Love Hewitt exclaimed, smiling brightly, as she began digging through her excessively large purse. “I know it’s in here . . . where is it . . . WHERE THE FUCK IS IT? Oh!” She issued a high-pitched giggle. “Here it is. Please excuse my little outburst there.” She raised the bottle of cough syrup and spoon triumphantly.

“Sugar,” Gerald muttered.

“Right, sugar.”

“But--.”

“Now, now, dear, we’ll fix you up in a jiffy!” she said, handing Justin a little container of sugar. Then she began singing, “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down / The medicine go down / The medicine go down / Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down / In a most delightful way,” as she poured the Robitussin and tried to force the medicine into his mouth.

“But . . . Robitussin doesn’t work anymore, now that they’ve taken out whatever it was that made it work that can also be used in the production of meth!” Justin exclaimed as he turned his head and tried to fend the woman off.

“He’s right, dear,” Gerald the blue dragon remarked.

“Well, Gerald, it’s dragons like you who made that happen,” she replied, turning an angry glare on him. “I told you it was a bad idea to mass-produce meth like that. Did you think no one would find out? Did you think you wouldn’t go to jail? You knew what a novelty a blue dragon would be in jail! You knew what was coming! And now I can’t even find decent cough medicine to cure the children’s woes! They took it out of Robitussin. They took it out of NyQuil. Now the little children can never have a semi-safe little cough-medicine induced buzz ever again! AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!”

“Now, now, dear. I believe it’s time for your afternoon libation. Let’s just leave the young man alone.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Justin muttered, not quite understanding how it came to be that he was talking to a life-sized dragon.

“But . . . the children . . . I have to care for the children,” she whimpered tearfully, as Gerald led her away, holding the parasol over her as he did so.

“Fuck . . . Jennifer Love Hewitt needs serious help.” Justin shoved his hands into his pocket and wandered back down the path. “This better be a fucking dream.”

***

“So,” Justin remarked the next morning, as he handed Brian a cup of coffee, “I hope you realize that fucking stupid stuffed dragon cause me to have a nightmare last night. And in said nightmare, I was accosted by Mary Poppins and a giant blue dragon named Gerald.”

“You’ve lost your fucking mind.”

_"I’ve_ lost my mind? _You’re_ the one who brought a stuffed dragon home.” He looked at Brian pointedly until the older man shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“It’s one of the products the company really wants to push, okay? I told them that Kinnetic could definitely make it their top seller. So I had to bring one back so the art department would know what they were dealing with.”

“But you stopped by the office yesterday, right? Why didn’t you just leave it there?”

“It’s not like I could leave it to the office plushie,” he stated in response to Justin’s questioning look. Which had Justin wondering who the office plushie was. “It’s not Theodore.”

“Well . . . good.” He paused for a moment. “There’s an office plushie?”  



End file.
